Make A Plan To Love Me (Or Break Me) *Or Do Nothing*

Can you just argue with me? Seriously, i don't wish to care. This is mind boggling. Guess i will pull out. Wait, i wasn't even in to begin with.

P.S. Your words starts to manifests in my mind. Now i am even more unsure of myself. Third person perspective sure kills. Overkill actually. Shouldn't have commented anything about this. Bad decision.

P.P.S I realised you are the one that said both sides. Devious mind, i was wrong the whole time. You are more than meets the eye. I don't know who you are anymore. Wasn't your priority. Weird how i can change my view of you in a night. You make me want to shun you now.

Cared too much. I guess.

Mind Games

It seems loose yet stretched.

Seriously, how much do you trust me? It is clear that we are drifting further and further and secrets are flouting this friendship. Have you taken a step back to look at this with the wider angle you will gain? It wasn't the same but let see where this bring us to.

Another thing to note:

It finally dawned on me why i hesitate every time i like someone. It just seems like i like the chase or that i wish to get into the girl's pants. Once i processed it, it always deter me to take a step forward. Also to add on, maybe i am scarred so i am fearful that if things doesn't work out, what would happened? Isn't it better to just remain as friends rather than having a chance to lose someone? Its so tiring to even think whether you like somebody, so why not have one night stands instead? You just see the girl once, and you won't see her again. There's no worries as to whether you like her or not. Just to clarify, not saying i have done it before. ;)

Cut down thy ego,

lose some pride,

enhance thee wits,

For thou shall attain much more.

Funny how i love playing mind games. Let see who last longer. Actually it doesn't matter. For I am laughing it off. Isn't it the same for you? Love, lust, wonder, find.

Gullible as a phony, frightful as a gladiator, repugnance spells it all.

Just A Dream

If there's one thing that i could have. Special power or not, i would simply want to be an innocent kid, without any complexity in me. Seriously, knowing nothing, aloof about everything, even looks, its like leading a carefree life. Living each day happily. Concerned with only few subjects from the kindergarten and what's not.

Lies will break apart, eventually truth will be the only thing left.

Shameless

Isnt it amusing how i hate people who are perfunctory and only contact others only when they are bored or when they need their help, yet to avoid falling into this situation, i totally distant myself away from the people i know so as not to eat my words. Thus i became an introvert. Its tiring to constantly have people walking in and out of your life, just within a finger snap.

There's always a strong contradiction about me. Which makes me unable to make a decision and i don't know what is true or what is make believe in my head. Its not that i don't wish to say what i feel, but once its being processed by the brain, i tend to hold it in the tip of my tongue. Afraid that what i say might change the perception of someone about me. This is what is holding me back. Honestly, i try to keep myself issues free and honest but some are really too sensitive to even talk about.

On a lighter note, 3 tests are down and i am left with 2 major exams, after which, school's over.

Who would stay on with you? And who would ditch you after this trip?

Heart to heart talk anyone? I am up. =)

Use somebody

A taste of freedom. Its like dove released from their cage.

Looking back, i have changed much throughout poly life, it seems. Mentally, more of it.

Andrik Sim Zhenping, will never forget this big boy that i know. The one who opened the Pandora box. Shaping who i am now. Can't say i love it or i hate it. I am in the grey zone. Conflicting much. My ideologies, my wants, my beliefs.

Throughout poly life, i have known many more people, opening me up to people from all walks of life, pretty much interesting. Gain a few close friends and definitely knowledge. Often wonder how long will all this friendship last.

As for what i have lost, friends definitely. The chance of knowing more people. All these blues are getting into me somehow, i feel weird. Its such an ambivalent feeling. Uneasy, squeasy.

When exam is near, always have this mixed feeling as well. Undue thoughts. Pestering my mind.

Its like the next transition. What should i do? What will i become? Where would i be?

I feel empty without talent. I need to pick up some skills.

Make believe is what we do best.

There Goes The Fear

Ahh, damn, why does all these have to happened. I am getting bad at comforting others. To be honest, its like i am at a loss for word. Right now, i can only lend my ears to you. I am sorry i couldn't comfort you in any way. Please dun be sad. Thats the last thing i would want to see you be in.

False hope isn't the worse. Its the feeling of being helpless.