Fistful of Mercy

Have u ever tremble and chatter uncontrollably? I have. Rendered incapable of control, try as hard u might, focusing on stopping makes it worse.

Broke my knuckles, awesome much.

Today's work was good, the Whites and their culture is nice. Love the gingerbread house. What's more, the pay is awesome too. =D

Holiday is finally here. But here comes more projects. JUNKHEADS!
Side note, at least fyp is over. Smexy lovely time.

How far can leap of faith take me? When will i plunge?

In My Head

Most of the time its either to difficult, expensive or scary. It's only once you stopped, that you realised how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there, until you finish it, it will always be a loose end. - How i met your mother.

Its how true this statement is. I think i have always been like this. It just take a setback for me to remain still, lingering in the dark haunted garage. I guess i am just too afraid to move forward, afraid i will hit another bump. Having a new perspective has taken a toll on my life, i am losing sight of everything.

Big time issues with myself.

Senseless

Knock me cold
Leave me dry
Catch the stars
For it tell signs

Cumulonimbus
The world whisper
Grieve the earth
For it erodes

Human deceit
Feelings ebb
Change takes place
And revolutionised

Jester mask on everyone
Let loose those cries
For we trust fear
Thus retire like all.

Most hit a winner, and forget the losers. Reverse am i.

Fixed At Zero

Finally, done and dusted with all the projects. 4 weeks before exam. Got to mug for it and score. $400 here i come!

Today is my last 2 presentation, and my NVP presentation is screwed up, but my gems presentation was kind of awesome, since i got an awesome prototype. Designing an alarm clock for the deaf, i came to realise something. How does a handicapped wear things. Especially if they are without arms. Seriously, it might be devastating if it were to befall anyone, yet the courage they took to live on is awe-inspiring. Whereas for me, i have been pessimistic for so many years, and even have no wish to live, when they are those who would jump at any chance just to be like me. Ought to be ashamed of myself. Let me just share a poem about deaf people. Take a few minute to read it. :)

If a deaf child lives with criticism, He/She learns to condemn.
If a deaf child lives with hostility, He/She learns to fight.
If a deaf child lives with ridicule, He/She learns to be shy.
If a deaf child lives with shame, He/She learns to feel guilty.
If a deaf child lives with tolerance, He/She learns to be patient.
If a deaf child lives with encouragement, He/She learns confidence.
If a deaf child lives with praise, He/She learns to appreciate.
If a deaf child lives with fairness, He/She learns justice.
If a deaf child lives with security, He/She learns to have faith.
If a deaf child lives with approval, He/She learns to like themselves.
If a deaf child lives with acceptance and friendship, He/She learns to find love in the world.

By Mike Wilson.

Fickle like a dancing flame.

The Birthday Song

Life has been superbly hectic even when my birthday inch closer and closer, i could hardly take a breather. Yesterday i got a cake from Rive Gauche, it was pretty good. Birthday is losing meaning to me, my family sang Birthday song for me, but it just seems like i am lost in my own emotions, it doesnt make any sense to me. Drained of all the happy emotions, is this life?

On a happier note, Thank you Meiying for giving me the present, really appreciate it. ;) I want to meet you soon! haha.. I guess i am not good at showing my emotions nowadays. And i also want to say, your hair is damn sexy/cool or any other positive adjective you can think of.

Last note, just a mindfucking rhetorical question. Is it better to have best friends who doesnt even remember your birthday, or feel happy that friends who are not that close makes it a point to remember your birthday? I guess i found my answer in the way i phrase this question. Seriously, you makes my day. =)
P.S. Why do ppl get paranoid and try to mindfucked others?

When will i reach Mt. Epiphany? Don't wish to get caught in this loop.

I Never Told You

Some updates,

Been wasting two weeks away, not really knowing what i have been doing. Other than gyming, working, dota-ing, watching anime and lets see, sleeping. Super routine and mundane life. Crap.

Hanging out with Cy and Kc more due to gyming. Would be awesome to lead this perfect life with nothing to worry but more than often, good things doesn't last.

Anyway, school's starting and i just have to sprained my neck today while gyming. FML. Will update soon after i finish reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Quite a good novel and some stuff i did like to share with everyone, or anyone who even reads my blog.

Why do i still yearn to talk to you? Senseless.

Emergency

Yesterday went to club at Phuture, it was a wild night, so wild that i dun even know that i even entered the club. Tsk, drank 2 bottles of Chivas, and KO-ed! WTM siol. My memory stops there and kick start when i woke up this morning lying on the floor of my living room.

Yet again, for the 3rd consecutive week, i failed to have breakfast with Pearle! wth is wrong siol.

Whoever knows what happens yesterday, please tell me, cause i havent had a clue as to what the shit happened! Ciao.

Fabricated life.

BLANK

The fact that often in life, the best decisions are the ones that are ludicrous. We make stupid decisions all the time, but life is funny and sometimes a little mystical, it could take a stupid decision into something entirely different. That's how life keeps us in a loop.

He could not take it much longer, it always happen when someone close came back. Drifting is like the norm that he could no longer feel much. He began recalling everything that happened throughout his quirky and intolerable life. A master of nothing and a dummy for everything. His life is drunk and decayed.

He knew lots of girl, but not many kept in contact and none thinks of him the other way. Not that he care much anyway, since he have failed so many times that his inner heart has become torpid from the poignant agonies.

The dark cloud overpowered the sky today, and at the first lightning he saw, he felt restless but after a few seconds, his chiseled face brightens, his chapped lips twitched, forming a slight glee, for once his eyes sparkled with joy at the compelling thought of having the lightning strike down on the bus that he was in. What relief he would have felt by abandoning his hard shell, how magnificent that would be and he would marvel at his own body from another perspective. Though maybe all these, he would, regret in years to come.

Everything seems to stir his thoughts, grouchiness is what is most physical to him. But at the same instance, he felt pleased as he could concentrate on his studies. He needs to know new people, maybe S, though the chance is infinitesimal.

Take the plunged and run away no matter how tired it will be.

Summer Loves

Updates & Accomplishment in my life for this holiday. (Constantly Edited)

1. Club on the 27/3 with Jeremy and Violet, it was quite fine. Rebel: clean and troubleless night. =D

2. Club again on the 31/3 with the usual clubbing clique, yet again, Rebel. =D Nearly got into trouble yet again, somehow, i am like some fight magnet.

3. Rebel nite out yet again on the 14/4 with the usual. ;) Pretty decent for the nite. And i realised, throughout this itp, thursday is cursed, am always late.

4. Celebrated Desmond Birthday on the 3th of April, totally awesome, super awesome crab and wine drinking. Not forgetting the durian session.

5. Done with 'Veronika Decides To Die'

6. Soon to be done with 'Catch-22'

7. Aint gonna club anytime soon, hopefully. I know, abstain from drinking is impossible. Spot on by violet. tsk. (ALL TALK!) (FAILED BADLY!) TSK!

8. Having dates with ppl every week. =D All were good and fun.

9. Gotta start saving now! Splurging on food and unnecessary stuff will have to be reduced.

10. Shopping for clothes needs to be done soon. Basic tees maybe, since i am entering NS in a year time anyway. HAH!

The constant thought, the mindless ponder, the night dims, nothing changed. Totally bewildered by my own fallacies.

Keep the faith

For those who thinks i write bullshit, pls dun read it nor comment or watsoever, oh, flaming me doesnt make u any better.. heh! Just my two-cents..

Religion is believing in something that doesnt exist, or maybe some would argue that "YES, IT EXIST" but really, where's ur proof? The bible? Or people who have seen god? And oh, i forgot, those who have seen god are blinded by his holy light.. So really, is there god? People who believe in god says that big bang theory have no proof, thus cannot be true, but wat abt god? Proof? BIBLE? Dun tell me bible, bible is written by ppl.. If i were to rewrite the bible exactly like any other bible, am i one of the messenger of god too? Think abt it.. People believe in god because they need something to fall back on when something happens, but in another perspective, its making use of god, are u guys really believing in god existence, or simply believing in some unknown faith that it will blessed you and guide u through ur life..

People who believe in that should also think, are you really living ur life then, regrets that many don't even realise even after they pass on, comforming to the society and not daring to achieve what you guys dream of, hopes for..

There's no correct or wrong answer in many things, and its a matter of who is 'right'. Right in the sense that the things are what the majority of the population believes in, the one able to imposed his ideas to the world 'win'. Thats how religion spread.

Also, faith in god.. Can ur faith grow stronger without first doubting god? The answer is clearly and simply a 'NO!', if u have trust and faith in god, there wont be any doubt in thy Him, so there wont be any stronger faith or trust.

Lastly, miracles happens and everyone put it on god, but when something misfortunate happens, its still god, because god have a plan for everyone. Thats what u guys are thinking, but really, u guys are merely beautifying the ugly truth, the truth that u guys hate and don't wish to find out, for that the fact might collapsed ur belief and leave you in a crumbling sanctuary.

Faith is for the weak, but everyone is weak, the search for building the perfect controversy.

Degradation to conform

Just a quick post.

Now i realised why am i so retarded in front of everyone now. Everyone is so stupid that there's a need for me to conform to this flawed society. Its a must have skill that one have to bring almost anywhere in order to survive.. To build rapport with dimwits and to converse with them, one has to lower their level of intelligence to match the rest. How stupid i really am to even try to feign stupidity just to not appear out of the norm.

So please, if you wish to converse with me, at least be intellectually inclined if not just mum off.. =) Oh, i dropped my pretentious front..

P.S. Hawaii sunk.

Back to basic.

Denial

Ain't we all leaving in denial? Faking constantly, with unlimited masks put on to concealed our naked self.. Human we might be, our mind are unfathomable. It's so tiring to fake it everytime you see someone or something yet the feel you get has already changed.. Yet you dun wish to let go for the fact you might feel bad for ditching or that you will regret in the future.. We often complicate our thoughts and sink into despair.. I am really tired pretending to be who i am not, i am sick of myself, sick of how i am.. Really, what is friend? Do i have friend? Friend, it just seems more and more vague to me, it seems like a physical fallback.. Do we even need friend? Maybe i am taking every friend for granted, so much so that everyone seems like acquaintances to me.. But really, friend, to simplify everything, its just a 'tool' in one's life.. Really, its just people complicating it and finding excuses like friends will be there for you when you are down.. This merely round down to what i say, 'tool'. Maybe i am just being cynical, but yea, thats wat i am holding on to right now.. Beautifying the ugly truth.. Maybe i will distant away from my friends again, lead a normadic life rather than a stable life when in the end when we part, we wont feel that sad.. I am sick of changing but i am just too sensitive abt everything..

Another thing, promises, promises are just dillusionary self comforting sentences. We often promise things we wont do eventually, like playing mind games with one another and see who will win.. Pointless stuff.. I shall stop making promises as well.. I dun wish to be a corny mumhead as well.. I am starting to hate it..

Sorry, if it comes to that day.

This Calling

Totally perfect.

I have realised, people often say what they don't mean, dare what they don't do. Seriously, gutless mothballs, do what you preach, empty talks just disgust me so much. Just shut your mouth and reflect on your life. Sidenote, the next person who sits in front of me and purposely tries to irritate me while i eat, i will smash my food in your MUMING NUTCASE FACE.

All those whines aside, it seems as though i have fallen deeper, like a dead soul living in a very much alive body. Death seem to resonate in my ears. Staring at the mrt tracks somehow enticed me more than ever to move closer to it and the thought of dying just delights me.

Let's distant. It's the calling. I just need a break from everything and everyone.

Ambiguity speaks. STUB.