I Melt With You

I find myself a joke. Joke's on me.

Third time i have broke down because of a friend. Seriously, how emotional can i get with people i am close to. I really hate being close to people and to take a leap of faith just to experience the fall is excruciating. Even typing this gets my tears welled and swelled.

Shit-stirrers ought to die.

On the side note, work's been fun. Even though communication is minimal and workload is mad loads, but at least i am happy there. I just love interaction. Now i have my fan club and rumoured girlfriend at work. tsk. Crazy bunch. Sad they are leaving office next friday. I will so miss them. No more joy, no more fun, no more shit, just work.

You know i can't stay mad at you for long.

You Can Do Better

Do what thou wilt.

People tell me that they never thought i did fall for and i can do better. But if that's the case, i guess i have been finding the exact definition of better for the past 20 years. The answer that i found is nothing but vague.

Human are cheap.

We cheapen ourselves to know that there are others out there that want us.

I like how people say anything. Being honest with how they feel and saying what they mean to people they meant it for. This is called real honesty and not some 'being honest' but in fact it's with hidden agenda.

Oh, did i mentioned, i drank a cup of vodka(spiced coffee with almond flavoured) mixed with apple tea, tomato juice, sambal chilli and pearle's hand that have dog fur dipped inside. Asswipe unhygienic and sick drink.

P.S Was that for me? And if it is, if you don't say, how would you know? Again. Just treat it that i am the asshole. okay. I will drift and you will continue with your amazing life. =)

First you ask me to grow up, now you say this. You know its amusing. What you say and what you mean, you told your boyfriend there are guys wooing you because you think it's good to be honest, but you left out the other truth, which is that you are going out with people that are trying to get you. By doing that, you just hope that after you do this, your boyfriend will try and treasure you more because you are wanted by people. Don't tell me thats not one of the motive, because it is. The reason why you are still sticking with your boyfriend is cause you want what you can't have. You know that you might lose him to some other FUGLY girls, so he became a trophy that you are fighting for. Is this what you call love? Okay, now that you have read this, you might feel like i am a jerk. But honestly, if i didnt even care, i wouldn't even give a damn about you. Like i said, refer back to my caption above.

Why do i even assume things?! Because you don't say who you meant it for. I can only assume as best i can. There's other channels you can communicate with me but you choose twitter and you simply have too many guys in your life to even know which tweet is for who. That aside, does going out with friends entitles you to tell only the things that you think will keep all else as it is? Truth is, you can't have the best of both world. You can use that as a valid point and take your stand. Seriously, you are merely finding excuses. If you keep this up, do you think you can even last a lifetime with him? No! Stop kidding yourself. Maybe you can use all this as examples and ask your friends what do you think this girl is doing, and they might tell you the same things too. Go on, try it. Also the reason why i stopped asking you out is i don't wish for you to keep lying to your boyfriend. It isn't fair for any of us.

What am i really? I think i am pretty undefined. We can't right the errs we have.

M.I.L.F

Topic for the day

I am actually the topic of the day in my office when my presence is not there. lol. Seems like i got myself a fan club. Heard from the temp that my department perm staff gathered around during office hour to talk about me. They also said i look like 方大同, 盧廣仲 & 吳克群. So weird of them to talk about me. lol. Though i don't deny it made me feel good in a way. lol.

Watched Arthur with my colleagues. Totally love the show. Somehow it managed to affect my emotion drastically. Such a sweet show.

I would so love to date you. I guess. haha. Time for a new haircut. Wait up, people.

I guess this is the best week i ever have up till now. Simple things really make my life happier.

BBQ TML! YES!

Steal not from thy child

For it was not a silver spoon

Hide not from thee brightest moon

For it lit the darkest room.

P.S The worse excuse is also the best excuse. Because it's undeniably obvious yet unable to refute.

P.P.S I hate coded text. Its equivalent to a 'FUCK YOU' in the face.

P.P.P.S To this point, people can't say what they feel with ease. Seriously, 21st century is fucked.

P.P.P.P.S Now i don't know where this is headed, but we should just chill, and think it through. Or don't. Okay, its my bad, i shouldn't have said anything, i am sorry. Don't cry or anything please. Just go and sleep it off.

Who is there to make me believe in make believe again?

Don't Work Yourself Up

Don't try to step over the line.

Guys should stop trying to demean your girlfriends.

Girl should stop sticking in the rut and let themselves be ruined.

Be smart, act up.

Relationship really screws people up. Keep your cool.

Consoling is harder when you can't whisper sweet nothing.

Funny how people can be that desperate. Seriously, you are heading to shithole. You better wake up before you are covered in shit.

Time to get closer to Sancia. WIN! haha.

Stella stella hangs above,

Admire the midgets from afar,

Curve into a slit it went,

Broke a grin, buckle your belt.

I am feeling better and better as good friday draws nearer. Damn, how long can this last. hah.

PARTY ROCK ANTHEM playing through my mind everyday. Shuffle like a rockstar.

We will see how everything goes.

Numb

Let work be fun.

If you choose to smother your feelings, do it fully, and if you have something to say, say it to the person whom you meant it for.

I realise when i am working, my weekdays are shortened and i become lifeless.

Its always outflow, there's no inflow in my life.

I don't get it. Am i the fallback? What are you playing? Weird how this play out. But i did say thats a good play on your part. In hindsight, everything's pretty clear. Well played.

Life really does not have a balance afterall.

Two Guys (For Every Girl)

Talk about barter trade. You lose a guy to get a toy.

I should be paid more, i am severely underpaid. Who wakes up on a saturday morning thinking about work for the upcoming week? Apparently i did. I still can't figure out how should i go about doing up an excel spreadsheet to calculate forex individually. For the sake of being more efficient, they let a temp staff that just started work to do this. What's more, i have another 2 more work on hand. Kill me pls.

I feel so tired everyday. Thank goodness the temp staff around there are friendly. One temp asked whether i am fine watching with them chick flick on this coming thursday, and before i could answer, another temp replied in place of me, 'he sure fine one lah, look at him, already one of us.' lol. I got a shock as it was my first day and i didn't even speak much with them. And the impression i left on them is quite quiet i think, at least they don't think i am weird. tsk tsk. Its so unfair, the girls get to dress down on friday yet guys have to be formal everyday. =(

I missed a chance to know a hawt girl. Godsend. I need to head to OM to get the ripped tank top. gah, when will i have time to do that?

Everyday until the end of this month, i will suffer. But after this month, i will start to shuffle. Talk about word play. ;)

I miss you and you. What about you and you?

Take Me Out

Confirmation Bias.

I am as good as DEAD. Lie low, stay close.

This few days have been pretty decent and funny. Work is a killer though.

I ain't your fallback. There's no safety line.

The Ballad Of Mona Lisa

Say what you mean tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me give me a sign.

Today is a eventful yet disappointing day.

Received so many jobs positions and i am still hoping to get the 2k per month job. Please let me get it. I am crazy over this 2k job. Desperate over it actually. Screwing myself over this.

Went Jeremy's house supposed to gym and swim. But just so coincidental, both are closed for repainting. Ended up doing a few pull ups. When they opened the swimming pool, it drizzled, but we still went ahead, until it started pouring. We went to the jacuzzi instead. Feels so good even though the rain keeps hitting on our head and face like some powerless toy hammer. Shifted our belongings to a supposedly sheltered umbrella table. When we saw the lightning, we got out of the water to claim our stuff only to realised that all our stuff are drenched because the damn umbrella is spoilt and have a hole above. Thankfully i brought a shirt for jeremy to try it out, if not i did be topless. tsk. After which we went for ice cream buffet that actually made us drowsy. Something is really wrong with swensen's ice cream.

Stop calling me No. 9. It is so weird.

Sexy ask me whether i clubbing tomorrow. lol. Sad that i am starting work on thursday. We shall club when i get my pay, don't sad. ;)

Maybe holding out will pay off eventually, but i am really tired.

One human, two saint, three choice.

P.S Btw, thanks for the gift, Meiying, it slipped my mind the other day.

Don't try to play god, you won't get away with it.

The Other Side

You won't want to see.

Rough patch.

People keep me sane.

Ice cream buffet tml. Meetup with Eileen on wed. Dinner on thursday. Oh Oh! Tml's free cone day.

Fuck job hunting, its taking forever, i am picky, so are they.

Pick your choice before it bites. Say your prayers. You got someone to thank.

Something About You #2

And there's something about you now

that makes everything beautiful if i only believe

I delicate this song to myself because of you.

Sorry for the double post but this song is very apt in how i feel towards you.

Why do i have philistine friends? Where are all the connoisseur? I hate how i can't find someone to watch Macbeth with me. tsk.

P.S Nope. I am more curious about the other actually.

P.P.S I might. Drop me a call when it comes to that, i guess that's when you will find out.

Assumption is not fool-proof. Am i supposed to hold out for more?

Our Generation

Its the 21st century.

As much as i love vintage, i won't stop modernizing my mind.

'And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.'

- John VIII-XXXII

So i guess i deserve to know, don't i?

I can't wait for my extreme hairstyle. Come on job, i need you to make it happen.

You don't get to play the strings.

Something About You

There's something about you in me.

Went out and watch Sanctum. Pretty interesting show, though it seems a little weak. In the sense, the show tried to be inspirational but somehow failed to convey it in the strongest way possible. Just my two cents though.

Mei Ying says its extremely depressing. Heavy hearted. HAHA.

After that, we went to a dim sum place for dinner. So full. Whee~

Just a side note, my sandals are drenched for the first time, damn the rain.

Twice was never my thing. For certain people, i guess i did do it twice with no regret or angst.

Sometimes i wonder why does two incompatible people hang out together. As if we clique well together but the fact is we don't. So what is actually pulling us together? A little food for thought.

P.S Come to think of it, it's such a funny day for me.

Issues multiply endlessly, i am tired of solving it. Complete nincompoop.

I Fall All Over Again

im zusammenhang

Have you ever wanted some things so bad that you convinced yourself that the impossible is true?

Never ever settle for things that you know you will leave to regret, a constant reminder.

Unless the thing hits the mark, don't ever get it because better stuff comes by all the time and it's only when something hits the mark that you are able to at least convince yourself that you already have what you wanted.

Ambiguous talks because of the fear.

HELLO, THE PERFECT STALKER. ;)

You know the answer.

Which category am i in? Cause i guess i am barely hanging.

Haunted

Breakfast or High Tea? Anyone?

It was a wrong.

Short of another wrong to make it a right.

But guess i won't be getting the second wrong.

Now i am stuck in a highway,

with no U-turn for the next 1000 miles.

P.S The girl in this MV is hawt. At least so i think.

P.P.S Why you look so hawt when you are dancing?

P.P.P.S Just want to laugh at myself for suddenly feeling afraid of someone, because the person is pissed off by someone else.

Why am i even scared?! Seriously, i am such a pussy. I don't even know how to talk to the person now. Being afraid is one, but i think this is a whole new level. tsk.

Kept a rain check. Tears welled and subside.

Friends

Love for the lady. <3

Today is a tiring but eventful day.

Late for interview but its fine cause its a shit job and then meet with Xueying for a while at far east plaza before heading off to meet Wenxin. Such a good gal for accompanying me to jurong east for another interview. Thanks. :) Which amazingly, saw Pearle and Wiley there too. After which head over to Chinatown to meet with Julien. Walked to ann siang and then to maxwell for some light meal before heading down to city hall for our dinner. As usual, Hui min is late. Ate at Ximending, the food is alright but not filling enough, at least for me. Then I saw Christopher Tan Puay Liang. lol. Train to outram with Julien and we sat there for at least half an hour catching up, yet again, i saw Rui Chuen. Its such a coincidence to meet up with so many people today. Back at serangoon and i bought a pack of bee hoon to eat. I am such a gluttony these days.

People just keep pulling me back to the pit hole that i have been trying to climb out of. Why?

Please let me get a job soon so i can set in motion things that i have planned. :)

Meeting up with Mei Ying on either friday or saturday. And JP some time next week. Haven't met up with Eileen yet. The food is turning bad if this persists. tsk.

Stay safe, don't sweat.

I can't stand how i keep going back.

Like Or Like Like

Sometimes, it's all about the concept.

Had an interesting conversation with the Pearle, Jeremy & Violet after our pizza meal, which we opt for since we didn't feel like bbq-ing eventually. Sorry for the effort, ladies.

So here goes, positive aspects of me, Pearle said i am a fun loving person, spontaneous. Jeremy said i am reliable & trustworthy. Violet said i am a gentleman. Surprisingly. Which Pearle felt i am more of protective than a gentleman. tsk tsk. Either way, its positive i guess.

As for the negative aspects, i like to keep things grey, a sign of indecisiveness, as said by Pearle. I guess this explains why i am bad at departures and maybe i just don't want to know the truth, maybe i just like the process but not the result. This is also why dozens of people thinks i am queer. I somehow mind-fuck people, at least people who even care about what i feel. tsk. Angsty is the word i get from Jeremy, which i guess everyone knows. Violet feels that i say things i don't meant. AWESOME! okay, i don't know why this is awesome, but i like it, it seems positive to me.

We will never find out.

I still can't find a word to substitute 'sweetheart'. Gah.

Morning Benders, Telekinesis, Moldy Peach, Miniature Tigers and The Everyday Visuals. Genres that appeals to me now. hah.

Happiness is a concept few grasps hold of.

Mr Curiosity

Not again, not heading back to where i was.

'No, every time, i'm walking down that tunnel. Every time, and once i find out what's at the end, i will figure it out then, but at least i'll know. I'll, I'll know.'

'Why would you not want to know?'

-Weeds

Curiosity is a curse.

Today i received 3 offers for 3 different jobs. One i gave up, one i am pending and the last, gave me up due to the ambiguity of enlistment for FUCKING NS. Being anal about it aside, i feel quite glad somehow, like i am wanted, maybe i just like the feel of knowing that i am wanted by things. I guess it's the sense of belonging that i lust after.

When excuses runs out, repeat the same excuses and wait for others to believe, maybe then you will understand how stupid you sound.

The need to feel humane.

We are all flawed like any other. There's no moral high grounds for any of us.

Rescue Me

Some people just want to be spoon-fed. Spineless.

Recently my dreams are in a dissonance. Ever so real. The most recent is someone playing guitar. Getting cranky or hallucinating. Either way works.

Can't wait to crash Desmond's house tomorrow night to welcome his 23rd Birthday. Awesome much. Paired with Hoegaarden. Woots. Tuesday would be bbq with my own clique at Jeremy's condominium. Wednesday might be meeting up with Hui min, Wenxin and Julien. Such interesting life. It could be made better if i am being called up for interview and actually successfully getting a job. My life would be more than perfect. Hah, i sound so easily contented.

A few more meetups before i am done with everything. Time to earn money before Nelson is back and off we go splurging on alcohol and club. More of alcohol for me, since they have been providing more than often. Getting sick of clubbing too. Ironic much. May is the month where we see money pouring outwards.

Oh Land and You Me At Six are pretty good. April Smith is kind of interesting to listen.

Suddenly i have a new haircut i want to cut and a new dressing style. Sex it up. ;)

We can never be normal. Normal is subjective.