Well, That's The Thing

One week left. I suddenly feel panicky, not because i am scared of enlisting, but because i have unfulfilled business to handle.

When things changed, i don't. Not going to do anything to turn it around. Unless its my fault that i messed it up, but more than often i don't feel that its my fault, so dun try to make me guilty of it. Not going to rectify any shit that i didnt do. So yea, suck it up people. Pretty sick and tired of giving a fucking damn for friends that actually imposed the guilty feeling on me.

The different grades of friends we have.

Dust On The Ground

Thoughts rampant, words lost.

It has been long since i last been to a wake. Yesterday, i went to my friend's dad wake since 4pm till 7am this morning. When i first reached, it hit me hard enough that i am at a loss of words. I mean for him to lose someone that close and coping that well, it left me thinking, can i be the same as him or will i just lose sight? Shudders at every thought and looking at his dad laying right inside just siphon even the simplest thing right out of my mind, as if i am a walking dead.

That aside, i saw Alvy and Hobart there as well. Alvy especially since we had not talked since an incident and it was a pretty good catch up with him. He really matured quite a lot compared to when he was still sec 2. And its really nice of him to tell me that he really missed the time we hanged out together when i was sec 4 and he was sec 2 and that, that was the most memorable days that he had in secondary school. I mean like seriously, i am a sucker for this kind of comments. Be it from a guy or girl.

And lastly, this few nights i have been thinking a lot, and i think i really have inferior complex. There's just too much pessimism in me that causes my confidence level to ebb. I think i am just another ball-less loser. So many fears that couldn't be contained but could easily be concealed under the veil of awesomeness.

When you worry too much, your worries becomes reality.

Miss or Not, No Matter

Love can happen anywhere, at any time.

Ya know, this statement made me wonder, is it like a love relationship it's referring to or making love. Its like when someone breaks up with her boyfriend and feel that her world has collapsed and she miss him and blah blah blah every single day of these two months, and all of a sudden, she got together with another party. I mean it makes me wonder how much love is involved. How hard the bed creaks each night instead of emotionally.

It totally makes me think that either she is desperate, or that she is too used to having a guy right there for her. It appears that if she is without a boyfriend, her life is meaningless. Come on, get a life, you do know that your life sucks. Think about how people will perceived you. I mean its pretty disgusting if you are just using another guy to forget your ex and if not you are an utter slut desperate for guy. Either way, you suck. Don't go telling people that you ain't a whore when the next moment you are seen as a whore.

Anyway, with all these said, i do shun away and give up because i don't really know what love is and i might continue doing just that. There's just too many factors involved that deters me. A constant barrage of 'no' to going into a relationship.

Sorry if the above story seems applicable to you, but this was the most recent case and i have known quite a few others that have the same life diss-gusting story.

Steer your destiny's hot rod before its too late to earn any epitaph.

Talking To The Moon

NS is creeping nearer every minute and all i want is for me to master swimming. I have no mood for all else, not even clubbing nor playing poker. This totally sucks.

Oh, a note, i shall make it a point to backpack Japan, just one day, i did be gone from here, and there i did make my presence known. Another thing is that i hereby promise to pick up something during NS just for the sake of personal gratification.

All these aside, what's the woe of watching fashion shows? Apparently, it is the fact that the lack of money to don what those models are showcasing and the idea to create a personal line of fashion. I shall start my humble assault on the commonplace when inspirations strike. The woes aside, there's nothing to hate about it. You get the best of both world in admiring the beauty of ladies and the quaint pieces that shout statements. http://live.marcjacobs.com/live/ I love how Marc Jacobs kickoff his show. Very whimsical.

Bleak are the days ahead. Shallow water runs deep under cover.

In The Sun

Back from bangkok with Jeremy. I would say most of the trips are pretty interesting and even though i got scammed i still liked it, at least i experienced the feeling of getting scammed. I mean its minor scam not those huge scam that is pulled on me. The trip would have been better if i have much more cash and the fact i know i have ultra mood swing which annoyed Jeremy badly, but you cant blame me fully cuz what he said sometimes makes no sense, like trolling statements, and if it really is so, he got me. Also i am damn tired somehow there, as if there's major time shift, which is weird. Other than that, life's good there and i half learnt how to swim already. =D Thanks to Jeremy. Time to utilize every second that i am awake to its fullest. Ciao.

Restless.

Under The Influence

People that have affected me. I shall not talk about my family because its apparent that they have influenced me since young. In this post, it will be of people that i hang around with or know of that have made an impact in my life.

My artistic friend, Jian Wei, even though we don't hang out together at all, but just by looking at his artwork and whats not, it always make me feel like i got to draw and i am pretty thankful for the fact i even met him in my secondary school, a certain someone that i wanna be, someone musically and artistically inclined. I got to say, looking at his secondary school drawing makes me want to mimic his drawings. hehe.

To Evangeline, honestly, i felt that i lose a really good friend and i might never get you back, when i type this, its almost definite. haha. But i really like your company, the incessant talks and what's not that we had, how i subconsciously roll my eyes now. Even now when its someone else, i would try to find similarities between them and you. It felt like a part of me have never moved on, it lingers, waiting and waiting.

Andrik, the master of sensuality has definitely opened my world to a less innocent world than i would have thought, changed the way i speak and face people, for better or worse, i still love this big boy. A motivator like him paired with quirkiness.

You exposed me to sexuality and every single time this topic is up, be it in shows or through chatters, you flashed into my mind, and honestly, i hate every single guy friends that you have, but its okay since i have moved on. You may have scarred me but a man without scars ain't a real man.

Jia Wei, the guy that i got close to after secondary school, thanks for exposing me to the vast interest that you have, which makes me become a person with much more interest than before, even if it's all short-lived. lol. We fancy the same stuff more or less, like vintage and whats not, and as much as your attitude might come off as a little hypocritical or what, it doesn't matter, because your other qualities made up for it.

Julien, the hyperactive girl that remains in contact with me after so long. Oh, i mean temporary acquaintance as i won't even hear from her whenever she gets herself a boyfriend. A pretty sweet girl that is ever so busy with friends and the one that connects me to Jia Wei. Sometimes i wonder how she keep up with having so many friends and ever so busy schedule. I admit sometimes you annoy me with your foolishness but somehow we are still hanging out together.

As for you Hui Min, honestly, you annoy me with your ever so frequent tardiness and your ditching. Oh, not forgetting to say how hard it is to return after you borrowed something from me, honestly, none of the things i lend you, have i ever taken it back. So FUCK your life. you taught me that girls like you are always late, so i shouldn't be early, for you especially, i don't really feel bad when i am late meeting you. Call that retribution.

Last but not least, Pearle, one that is there to carry me when i am too lazy to move on, the one who taught me much about the people and influence me just by her words. Damn girl. In retrospect, i wouldn't have hang out with many if not for her. As promised, all is due by the end of today. ;)

But still, i got to thank society for shaping the best of me, or worst, whatever you guys deem i am, because you know without you assholes, i wouldn't be as awesome as i am.

On this day, i pledge, to be someone awesome.

Baby, Its Fact

Due to the backlog that i am facing, i have decided to clear all of it today!

Instead of having 2 different post, i have decided to combine it into one as i am not a food critic. Just trying to write it down for my future reference.

So i went for brunch at Wild Honey with Jia Wei & his sister(shamelessly tag along but we forgive her, as quoted from Jia Wei). We reached at 1130 but we were only given seats at 1230, roughly an hour's wait on a Sunday. The place is quite small(space limited) so i would recommend anyone who wants to eat there to reserve a seat instead of being a walk-in customer. The price of the food is pretty decent, at least for the English breakfast that i had, its so filling and the BACON is awesome. Pardon my carnal desire for pigs. Nawt, just kidding. For brunch at least, the whole place is as bustling as can be, fast-paced so you can't really lay back and relax. After eating, the only thing i feel like doing is to lay down and sleep. I am leading my life like a sloth, its sad, time to start calibrating my body clock and to train up for NS before i rot inside.

This aside, i just want to do up a list of facts about myself.

I think i am easily swayed by what people says, as much as i try not to be affected but somehow, words just seep pass my core fortitude and manifest itself.

I have weird thoughts like imagining how i would look like if i were to skin my own face and etc. Its like all these strange thoughts that makes me realised how weird i am and makes me agree with others that i am weird and different from the rest. I think i have the psychopath mentality.

Writer's block. I can't think of anything else as for now. I thought i have much to write, but i just can't seem to recall what i have in mind a few days ago.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i thought of one other fact, my confidence level is directly proportionate to the amount of money i have, so when i am only depleting my coffers without any input, my confidence level plunge straight down.

'Reality' is a relative concept.