Use somebody

A taste of freedom. Its like dove released from their cage.

Looking back, i have changed much throughout poly life, it seems. Mentally, more of it.

Andrik Sim Zhenping, will never forget this big boy that i know. The one who opened the Pandora box. Shaping who i am now. Can't say i love it or i hate it. I am in the grey zone. Conflicting much. My ideologies, my wants, my beliefs.

Throughout poly life, i have known many more people, opening me up to people from all walks of life, pretty much interesting. Gain a few close friends and definitely knowledge. Often wonder how long will all this friendship last.

As for what i have lost, friends definitely. The chance of knowing more people. All these blues are getting into me somehow, i feel weird. Its such an ambivalent feeling. Uneasy, squeasy.

When exam is near, always have this mixed feeling as well. Undue thoughts. Pestering my mind.

Its like the next transition. What should i do? What will i become? Where would i be?

I feel empty without talent. I need to pick up some skills.

Make believe is what we do best.

There Goes The Fear

Ahh, damn, why does all these have to happened. I am getting bad at comforting others. To be honest, its like i am at a loss for word. Right now, i can only lend my ears to you. I am sorry i couldn't comfort you in any way. Please dun be sad. Thats the last thing i would want to see you be in.

False hope isn't the worse. Its the feeling of being helpless.

Sending Me Angels

This is such a cool fashion show or whatever you call it.

Recently, i cant be bothered with no shit. Leading such a laid back life makes me feel that when i am old, i don't need to make any adjustments to adapt. Life is more about me, me, me. No more of others. Enough of it.

Hello vintage, where are u when i need you? Why cant i find any of the items that i want to get. This is bullshit.

School's not school. Its plain boring. Impressing others. Fuck it. Messed up cunts. gah, can't wait for school to end.

Time for self improvement. Loss for words.

Fistful of Mercy

Have u ever tremble and chatter uncontrollably? I have. Rendered incapable of control, try as hard u might, focusing on stopping makes it worse.

Broke my knuckles, awesome much.

Today's work was good, the Whites and their culture is nice. Love the gingerbread house. What's more, the pay is awesome too. =D

Holiday is finally here. But here comes more projects. JUNKHEADS!
Side note, at least fyp is over. Smexy lovely time.

How far can leap of faith take me? When will i plunge?

In My Head

Most of the time its either to difficult, expensive or scary. It's only once you stopped, that you realised how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there, until you finish it, it will always be a loose end. - How i met your mother.

Its how true this statement is. I think i have always been like this. It just take a setback for me to remain still, lingering in the dark haunted garage. I guess i am just too afraid to move forward, afraid i will hit another bump. Having a new perspective has taken a toll on my life, i am losing sight of everything.

Big time issues with myself.

Senseless

Knock me cold
Leave me dry
Catch the stars
For it tell signs

Cumulonimbus
The world whisper
Grieve the earth
For it erodes

Human deceit
Feelings ebb
Change takes place
And revolutionised

Jester mask on everyone
Let loose those cries
For we trust fear
Thus retire like all.

Most hit a winner, and forget the losers. Reverse am i.

Fixed At Zero

Finally, done and dusted with all the projects. 4 weeks before exam. Got to mug for it and score. $400 here i come!

Today is my last 2 presentation, and my NVP presentation is screwed up, but my gems presentation was kind of awesome, since i got an awesome prototype. Designing an alarm clock for the deaf, i came to realise something. How does a handicapped wear things. Especially if they are without arms. Seriously, it might be devastating if it were to befall anyone, yet the courage they took to live on is awe-inspiring. Whereas for me, i have been pessimistic for so many years, and even have no wish to live, when they are those who would jump at any chance just to be like me. Ought to be ashamed of myself. Let me just share a poem about deaf people. Take a few minute to read it. :)

If a deaf child lives with criticism, He/She learns to condemn.
If a deaf child lives with hostility, He/She learns to fight.
If a deaf child lives with ridicule, He/She learns to be shy.
If a deaf child lives with shame, He/She learns to feel guilty.
If a deaf child lives with tolerance, He/She learns to be patient.
If a deaf child lives with encouragement, He/She learns confidence.
If a deaf child lives with praise, He/She learns to appreciate.
If a deaf child lives with fairness, He/She learns justice.
If a deaf child lives with security, He/She learns to have faith.
If a deaf child lives with approval, He/She learns to like themselves.
If a deaf child lives with acceptance and friendship, He/She learns to find love in the world.

By Mike Wilson.

Fickle like a dancing flame.