Degradation to conform

Just a quick post.

Now i realised why am i so retarded in front of everyone now. Everyone is so stupid that there's a need for me to conform to this flawed society. Its a must have skill that one have to bring almost anywhere in order to survive.. To build rapport with dimwits and to converse with them, one has to lower their level of intelligence to match the rest. How stupid i really am to even try to feign stupidity just to not appear out of the norm.

So please, if you wish to converse with me, at least be intellectually inclined if not just mum off.. =) Oh, i dropped my pretentious front..

P.S. Hawaii sunk.

Back to basic.

Denial

Ain't we all leaving in denial? Faking constantly, with unlimited masks put on to concealed our naked self.. Human we might be, our mind are unfathomable. It's so tiring to fake it everytime you see someone or something yet the feel you get has already changed.. Yet you dun wish to let go for the fact you might feel bad for ditching or that you will regret in the future.. We often complicate our thoughts and sink into despair.. I am really tired pretending to be who i am not, i am sick of myself, sick of how i am.. Really, what is friend? Do i have friend? Friend, it just seems more and more vague to me, it seems like a physical fallback.. Do we even need friend? Maybe i am taking every friend for granted, so much so that everyone seems like acquaintances to me.. But really, friend, to simplify everything, its just a 'tool' in one's life.. Really, its just people complicating it and finding excuses like friends will be there for you when you are down.. This merely round down to what i say, 'tool'. Maybe i am just being cynical, but yea, thats wat i am holding on to right now.. Beautifying the ugly truth.. Maybe i will distant away from my friends again, lead a normadic life rather than a stable life when in the end when we part, we wont feel that sad.. I am sick of changing but i am just too sensitive abt everything..

Another thing, promises, promises are just dillusionary self comforting sentences. We often promise things we wont do eventually, like playing mind games with one another and see who will win.. Pointless stuff.. I shall stop making promises as well.. I dun wish to be a corny mumhead as well.. I am starting to hate it..

Sorry, if it comes to that day.

This Calling

Totally perfect.

I have realised, people often say what they don't mean, dare what they don't do. Seriously, gutless mothballs, do what you preach, empty talks just disgust me so much. Just shut your mouth and reflect on your life. Sidenote, the next person who sits in front of me and purposely tries to irritate me while i eat, i will smash my food in your MUMING NUTCASE FACE.

All those whines aside, it seems as though i have fallen deeper, like a dead soul living in a very much alive body. Death seem to resonate in my ears. Staring at the mrt tracks somehow enticed me more than ever to move closer to it and the thought of dying just delights me.

Let's distant. It's the calling. I just need a break from everything and everyone.

Ambiguity speaks. STUB.

This is for you

PEARLE & ME!

Alrite pearle, I have decided to delicate this post to you.. =))))))) Awww, see how much u meant to me.. HAHA..

Its been 1 year 7 months and 14 days since we first met and knew each other.. Over this period of time, we have had ups and downs, we have grown from being strangers to close friends.. Whenever i feel that our friendship would ceased, meeting you always reassure me that our friendship would continue. You nvr fail to liven up the situation.. I like ur carefree attitude and the fact that you are one of the most daring friend i ever had.. HAHA, being with you nvr fail to make me alive.. =D The things we share with each other is limitless.. Sensitive issues is like casual chats..

I am just gonna be blatant in this post.. hehe.. My friends recently asked me what type of gals i like, because they totally have no idea what kind of gals get me interested, and i also dun really know which type, but now i realised, you are the type of gal i like, not saying its you but ur character and such.. Very enticing.. haha.. Somehow.. Maybe mingling too much with you certainly influenced me subconsciously.. HAHA.. But nonetheless, you are a cool gal.. hehe.. Knowing you is a bliss.. THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.. PEARLE, YOU ARE LOVED! =))

P.S We shall party soon.. =)

Beyond boundaries.

Jumper

Alrite, lets start of with overdue stuff like hitting Phuture.. The experience there aint that good as well. Rebel is still the love.. Last week, on friday, hit the pub Spyderz with Jem, Pearle, Yucong, Benji and Cheryl.. It was her aunt's pub? Correct me if i am wrong.. =X So yea, one of the best time i had hanging out in a pub.. Even though the place is not very clean and the ambience is kinda dull, but still, with the right company, it just made up for it.. =D

This few days, had been rushing through reports, finally done with everything, a load off my mind.. But i have been missing sleep, so end up, i missed lessons for two straight days.. I even went to sch today just to eat subway cookies before heading home.. How cool is that? =.= Tonight shall be a nite out for me, not to pub nor club, but to study and head to sch tml.. HEHE.. Also a way to not be late for sch.. =D

I also realised, when people have their true friends, they ditch their friends for them no matter wat the situation is.. And then, they try to make it out to the friends.. Being selfish, wanting things to only be better and better for them.. And when they finally get the best that they can get, they ditch the rest.. This is just human nature, aint it?

I just wanna chill, relax and slow down my pace now.. Everytime i head out now, is either to a pub or club.. When will this stop, even though i think secretly i am a hedonist.. I am addicted to it.. I need a dose of it every now and then..

On the side note, i will study hard and do well for my test..

I just want to take a break from this hectic yet vapid life that i have.. Ironic ain't it..

Some say

This week have been a fun-filled weekend.. The best weekend i have ever had for so long, makes me feel very much alive..

Starting frm friday, hanged out with Pearle, Violet, Yilin and Jeremy at Plaza Singapura then had Sakae Sushi for dinner.. I was dared 10 plates of 'Chuka Hotate' after gorging down tons of sushi.. And wat is my reward for that? A peck frm Violet.. And Jeremy also got a peck for eating 7 plates of sushi.. Its violet's lucky day.. HAHA.. Though its nothing much but it shows how daring and my frenz are ppl who keeps their word.. Very thankful i have friends that are so trustworthy and bears similar frequency as me..

Saturday, went to grandma hse for dinner and to catch up with my relatives.. The feeling of family warmth.. Whats more, its also a time when u can totally let your guards down with nothing to be wary of.. This is wat i want next time as well, a family person i guess..

Sunday, soccer as usual, and evening was the time to meet Amanda, went to eat prata at Thomson Road, awesome stuff.. After which head to Liquid Kitchen to chill and chat as usual.. Amanda said this to me, 'You are not someone who is very handsome but u give gals a feeling that they feel very comfortable being with you.. Three years down the road and i am sure more gals will be into you, you have the assets and the capabilities..' Hmmm, hopefully my life will be like wat she says..

Its really great to have friends like Amanda and Pearle.. People that shares thoughts and bared their souls without having to conceal much from one another.. Maybe on the search of myself, i am actually crafting myself..

Boundaries hinders progress. Break through the horizon. =)

Back at one

Alright, back from Powerhouse, would say its an utter disappointment.. Spend so much time queuing and cabbing ard.. My 3rd time so far and the worse clubbing experience ever, a major turn off.. Saw hui chin and her homies and etc.. But other than that, nothing much worth mentioning..

One word to describe me, 'Irascible' would be the most appropriate word right now.. Everything just seems to pissed me off.. I seem to be pushing my luck so very often that in my sub conscious mind, i just hope to get bash up someday and just lay motionless on the ground.. I wonder whether that will make me feel more alive..

Beneath all these facade front, i am just an hollow shell with nothing to look forward or strive for.. I hate being undefined, finding myself has always been my priority for so long and yet the result i get is just another round about.. I just wish to be a decent student chilling ard being low profile but at the end of the day, i do the extreme stuff that makes me more prominent.. Whats worse is that i have no close friends since i shape shift into another person when hanging out with different groups of ppl.. Maybe i am just an angry hedonist..

Apart from that, there are so many uncouth faggots out there and yes, i am ashamed to say i am one of them but seriously, once u show a frail side, ppl will tend to take advantage of u, its just human nature.. Since ancient time, we are just making use of one another to reach our goals, in a way or another, its a reality that is unavoidable.. Life is so much of an irony, and the endless cycle of hypocrisy just makes me wish that Armageddon happens right now so everyone will just fade to black..

Alright, back to studying before heading for soccer.. =D Influx of thoughts are gushing into my head so much that i cant relate myself well.. All are just my two cents..

Life cease, love wanes.